Letting Go...

...is something I've always struggled with.

In some aspects, I am really good at it. I believe that everyone comes into your life and has a purpose, teaches you something, and even if for a brief moment, change your life. So when I drift apart from someone, I understand that it's a part of most relationships, yet I am grateful for the lessons I learn from everyone every day.

Over the past several years, I have have been living life with a sense of adventure- I've been lucky enough to travel to some cool places across the globe, transitioned from school to work to school, Minnesota & Wisconsin to Japan to Florida to Rhode Island back to Florida. With the opportunities I have had, I have met some of the most amazing people of my life. I get attached. I live, breathe, and bleed the experience taking everything in.

But the truth is, everything has an end. What has made it easier for me is knowing that another adventure lies in the horizon. So as time passes, I hold on to the memories, but have learned how to let go...

Yet here I am at the end of another adventure, and this one is hard -

During the past week, I have been reminded in amazing ways how special my life is down here.

I have fallen in love all over again with the water. I have found myself staring into the bay realizing how much I will miss it. Even after a year and 9 months, I still smile every time I see the ocean. If all goes to plan, I will be moving to a place by water, with mountains, but it won't be the same. I won't be able to drive 15 minutes to sit in shorts & a t-shirt, reading a book, and watching the most beautiful sunset. Even as I write this, I am looking into the black water, the reflections of light glistening with each ripple. So peaceful. So beautiful.

Through a series of events the past 3 days, I have been so proud and more inspired by the students that I work with at USF-St. Petersburg. Thursday night, we had a banquet celebrating the accomplishments of the year, and it was such a moving evening. From the excitement of everyone being together and being all dressed up, and recognizing the people that make up the heart and soul of the institution is refreshing. Taking a moment to remember all of the great things this campus has done over the past year (and last year too) was so incredible, and I have been honored to be along for the ride. Last night, we had our planning retreat for next fall, and we started the night off with a very simple activity that had a profound affect. We spent almost two hours answering questions about life, and listening to everyone's responses and seeing everyone open up with each other was great. Truly one of those rare moments that you feel blessed to be a part of. Even as I know I am saying goodbye in the near future, having conversations with the students and getting to know them in different ways has been incredible. Above anything, it has taught me that it is never to late to make a connection with somebody and gain something meaningful from them.

As I was sitting with some of the people in my cohort eating brunch this morning, it made me realize how much I will miss spending time with them. I am so thankful that my family could grow by 30 people, and they inspire me to be my best every day. I am lucky to call them my friends.

So, needless to say, this time around, letting go will be a challenge. I will never be able to erase these two years, and I will cherish all of the experiences that have made the past 2 years some of the best of my life. So instead of letting go, instead, I will keep this one tucked away. Because I am not ready to let go.

I think I'm going to hold onto this one a little bit longer...

Wake Up Call

Race day.

Normally, I'm excited.

Not today.

Do I really have to do this?

Not a single ounce of me wanted to wake up. I rolled over, shut off my alarm, and tried to fall back asleep. But the competitive drive in me won. I got up. I got dressed. I drove 30 mins to the site of the race. I checked in. I put my bib on. I stretched.

It's going to be a good day!

Started running. Felt solid. Mile 1 done.

That's when I tanked. By a mile and a half, I had to start walking. Started running again. .2 later, I was walking. Repeat this for another mile, then awkwardly juffle (part jog, part shuffle- I'm making up a new word) across the finish line, head down, shaking my head.

Insert excuses here:

It was too early. I haven't had time to run lately. It was too hot. It was just an off day.

Even with all that, it still wasn't a TERRIBLE time.

The truth is, I gave up on myself a long time ago.

I've been content with letting the last several months slip away and not focusing on myself.

I've heard advice that if you want to make drastic changes in your life and hold yourself accountable, make it public. Throw yourself out there. Make other people aware. Find support. All of that.

That was partially the reason why I started this blog. But with all the goals I had, and after the strong start of 2011 I have had- I have started regressing. A lot.

At this point, I was hoping to be somewhere in the 220 lb range and gearing up for my first 10K. I am far from both of those.

Throw it all out there.

For those of you who knew me in high school, I got up to 275 lbs. My life was out of control. So I made some drastic changes. By graduation, I was at 197. Over the past 8 years, I have been roller coastering - gain 40, lose 20, gain 30, lose 20, until last year at this point, I reached 284- the heaviest of my life (although I admit I didn't look it).

So, then came the goals. The ambition. But it has been SO hard to stay consistent (thanks grad school).

The plan was to lose 37 lbs toward between spring and fall, then about 60 by graduation.

I lost 20 lbs without really trying... but then put a few back on and stayed the same for 5 months.

I lost 15 more, but then stayed the same for another 4 months.

Now it's mid-April, and I'm sitting in the low 260's.

I know the more weight I drop, the farther I will be able to run, so I am putting more emphasis on weight loss.

So here are some iron-clad goals:

I will be at 247 lbs in a month (ideally by graduation, but that's tight)

I will be at 230 by the time I move to my next job.

I have decided to treat this summer as a "fat camp," and for the second time in my life, devoting my time, energy, and will power on improving myself.

I have gotten to the point where I have gotten over myself and realized I can't do this by myself. So I will need all of the support I can get.

I need your help!

Clearly, I had a lot on my mind while I was on the course. Maybe I should start thinking about bunnies or something.

See you when I've lost a small child!

Love from Philly

ESPN the Weekend

ESPN the Weekend

Hollywood Studios

Last year, I was introduced to the amazingness of ESPN the weekend at Disney World.

So many amazing athletes, ESPN personalities, and the magic of Disney all wrapped into one amazing weekend.

This year, it was a million times better!

(sorry about the shaky camera during the race part, but I decided to take it running!)

The 5K: In keeping with all of the running I've been doing lately, here's the latest in a string of 5K's I have been doing.

Time: 32:35

This one was a little bit of a wake-up call. I've been slipping on my eating/training, and it showed. It was a decent race, but my worst time- even in the races where I've had to stop for a bit. So now it's time to get back on track.

The other parts of the weekend were unbelievable- seeing these athletes as real people and getting different insights on random things is so cool.

Wisdom from Julius Erving and Kevin McHale, lessons on character from LaDainian Tomlinson, passion from Tim Tebow and Urban Meyer, laughs from Chad Ochocinco...

...I can't think of a better way to spend a weekend

Playing with Penguins!

PENGUINS!!!

Such a great day at the Florida Aquarium!

High Ropes

Today, we participated in the 2nd annual high ropes course retreat for Multicultural Affairs and Programming at USF- St. Petersburg. We headed to USF Riverfront Park in Tampa

The day consisted of 2 sets of activities:

One half of the day, everyone participated in ice breakers, team builders, and different activities and games. These were designed to get students to think critically and work together to achieve some sort of result.

The other half of the day, everyone had the opportunity to conquer the high ropes course. To start, everyone put on harnesses and grabbed all the equipment they would need. Then, we went through a practice session to learn how to use the equipment and how to stay safe while on the course. After that was completed, then it was go time!

Poles, ladders, nets, ropes, and a million challenges while suspended high in the air.

For me, a cool part was seeing my progression from last year to this year. This year, it took a lot less time, and I think that is because of the confidence gained by repeating it. High ropes courses are more mental challenges than anything- even though you know you're not going to fall 50 feet, you still have to convince yourself that. And when you're staring straight down at the ground, jumping and climbing across obstacles, sometimes rationalizing gets thrown out the window.

The most rewarding part of this is seeing everyone's sense of accomplishment when they finish. The end of the course is a zipline ride down to the ground, and seeing the excitement as people jump off the ledge and glide down the line is the best! The reaction is usually the same: when you pull up in front of it, it looks so intimidating. "There is NO WAY I am doing this!" Then, while you're on it, it's very challenging. But at the very top, when you can ring the bell, and you're standing on top of the world looking out for miles, you realize that 1. Florida is flaaattttt and 2. I can do anything!

Helping the students at USFSP get that feeling 2 years in a row has been incredible, and I hope they continue to have the retreat in the years to come, even after I leave...

Bolt Run

5K #3. Tampa Bay Bolt Run. 31:14.

Not too bad after one of the most terrible nights of sleep ever and starting to get sick.

I reached my goal of not having to stop, and I had a bonus great sprint to the finish line.

I think I'm at the point where I can start working on time & pacing.

Things that made the race amazing:

-The guy with bubbles. When I saw the cape, I knew he wasn't taking the race too seriously. But let me tell you, I've never seen a more passionate display of motivational bubbling.

-The sun rising over the bay as I was running along Bayshore. The water glistening, the sky waking up and growing brighter with every moment. I don't think I could imagine a more beautiful start to my day.

-Not being toward the back of the pack. Last race, I was about 2/3 of the way back. It was awesome rounding the halfway point and seeing LOTS of people behind me. AND the feeling of not having to stop as so many people started to tire out was awesome!

-The sprint through the tunnel to the finish line. Normally, at about 2.5-3 I am dead. I am sluggish. I have zero energy. But at about 2.5 I was able to pick up the pace a bit. Then I took the final turn into the tunnel and saw the finish line, and I took off into a dead sprint. Everyone else was practically crawling, but I blew by them.

-Feeling AMAZING after the race. No soreness, not too tired. I could have kept going. THAT is exciting :)

-Lastly, and by far, the COOLEST moment: There was a military group running in formation, carrying their flags and doing their chants. When we crossed paths the first time, it was no big deal. But after I finished, I went above the tunnel to watch people finish and the next race start. That's when I heard them. So softly at first. Then louder. Louder. LOUDER. As they came through the tunnel, they were deafening. Chanting, clapping, yelling, cheering. Such an inspirational end to the race.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Spread the love!

Disney Birthday

For the 2nd year in a row, I got to spend my birthday (or at least birthday eve) at the most magical place on earth.

In honor of the special occasion, I'll share a few of the better moments from the day at Disney:

This is when I realized that Mary Poppins is contributing to childhood obesity.

No kids, spoonfuls of sugar are not healthy.

Joke of the day came from Belle:

"And how's Lumiere doing?" "He's very hot headed right now."

Everything you do - celebrate you!

Move it! Shake it! Celebrate it!

A magical end to a magical day

HAPPY 26!

Run With The Nuns

The name itself was enough to get me to sign up!

This morning, I ran my 2nd 5K. It was at beautiful War Memorial Park in Bay Pines, which is about 20 minutes away from my apartment in St. Petersburg.

Such a beautiful setting for a run. Roughly 2 miles of it was paved, while a section went through a trail through the woods. As the name indicates, the park was made to honor war veterans, so flags, plaques, and other things were there dedicated to former soldiers.

The run itself was fairly solid. I felt great for a mile, but when I heard my time at mile 1, I knew I had come out too strong. By mile 2 I was just about done. I had to take 2 quick walk breaks at about 2.2-2.3 and 2.7-2.8. But by the end, I was able to push it and had a strong finish.

Time : 32:12

I think it's a good thing that I'm slightly disappointed with this. It will continue to motivate me to keep going. The time is somewhat decent, but the fact I had to stop running a couple times is a little frustrating. Now I'm thinking I shouldn't have taken that month off after the last race and over the holidays. Oh well - at least that won't happen this time around - my friend found a recreational running club in Tampa that I will be starting with, and my next race is Feb. 19th, so I can't really afford to take a long break after this one. Plus, with intramural basketball, volleyball, and badminton, I should be staying pretty active.

The coolest part about the race is the NUN! There is a woman dressed in a nun outfit that rides around on a bike cheering people on. And not just cheering. Singing! The first time we crossed paths, she was belting out "You Raise Me Up!" She made the experience amazing! It was fun talking to her for a few minutes after the race.

My last thought is about how close the running community is. I realized it as I was watching the little award ceremony at the end, but the majority of the people that ran stayed about an hour after the finish to cheer on those that did exceptionally well. There were so many conversations happening. I talked to a couple people and we exchanged brief recollections of our race. Everyone celebrated each other's PR's. It was so refreshing! Even as someone who is new to running in races, I instantly felt connected to all these other people. From the old man who said he trained half of the people that won their age groups even though he had no idea who they were. To the 10 year old kid that beat my time by 8 minutes. To the 70ish old lady that kept pace with me for most of the race. To the hot girl that I passed toward the end. To the badass tattooed guy that finished top 3 overall.

Such a close-knit and inspirational community that I am glad to now say I am a part of.

Such an inspiring group - this old man was top 3 for 70-74. The tattooed man first place overall. Woman in the pink with the visor's 2 kids won top 3 for their age group. Man in yellow's 2 kids were 2nd & 3rd in 10 & under. Surrounded by awesomeness.